


100 Words A Day III - Word Eater

by E350tb



Series: 100 Words A Day [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Gen, Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode: s05e18 A Single Pale Rose, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-05-03 22:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 56
Words: 5,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E350tb/pseuds/E350tb
Summary: One hundred words a day, every day, until the show comes back. Guaranteed Leak Proof (because none of this is planned out.)





	1. What Happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot's missed a few things.

**What Happened?**

Peridot yawned and stretched, smiling as she gently rubbed Pumpkin's head.

"Good morning, Pumpkin!" she said brightly, "Amethyst was right - sleeping does seem to ease the mind."

She climbed out of the bathtub and headed over to the door, ready to start the new day. Cheerfully, she pushed open the door.

"Good morning, Crystal..."

She trailed off.

Steven was sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth in the fetal position. Ruby was pacing frantically back and forth, clutching her hair, while Pearl sat on the couch and cried softly into Amethyst's shoulder.

"...did I miss something important?" asked Peridot.


	2. A Simpler Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven wishes he had a less complicated life.

**A Simpler Life**

Steven dreamt he was in a great void of darkness, gazing wearily into the distance.

"Mom was Pink Diamond," he sighed, "The Diamonds are after me. Lapis is gone...sometimes I almost wish I had a simpler life..."

He sighed and closed his eyes.

He awoke in an unfamiliar bed, feeling very strange. He sat up and rubbed his hair - was it always this long? He pulled a strand in front of his eye.

It was yellow.

Steven clenched Sadie's fist and lay back on the bed, frustrated.

"I didn't mean it _literally!_ " he exclaimed, "Argh, stupid gem powers!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sadie because since I stated writing Eye of the Storm and Ruby Stars she's become one of my biggest faves. I always liked her, but I've grown really attached to her after writing her so much.


	3. Time Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg decides to get Steven away from it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know the film industry is based in Kansas in the SU world, but I _refuse_ to imagine a world without Disneyland. Maybe Hollywood can be an animation centre in this world?

**Time Out**

Greg had planned it as quickly as he could, with a little help from Connie. Steven needed some time out, and where better to do that then sunny Alta California?

They'd flown out yesterday; just the three of them. The time since had been a blur. They'd toured the Theme Parks and Hollywoodland, and it looked to Greg like Steven was cheering up.

Now they sat in the hotel room, eating takeout and playing a game. Steven and Connie were laughing about something or another - He seemed _happy_.

It might only be temporary, but it meant the world for Greg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He needs this so much, guys.


	4. Above Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody would suspect a thing.

**Above Suspicion**

They'd never suspect a thing.

The deep cover gem was performing her mission well. They'd dutifully kept tabs on the Crystal Gems for White Diamond, occasionally intervening in their lives to cause them stress and confusion. The other Diamonds knew nothing of her presence, as White Diamond had of course deemed appropriate.

She navigated this backwards alien settlement of Beach City with ease, leading everyone along. With a few little mind-tweaks, she'd even gotten herself a family to hide among.

Nobody would ever suspect a thing.

She shifted into her disguise, and Ronaldo Fryman left the lighthouse for another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I don't actually believe this theory, but imagine if it was true, eh?


	5. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barb looks at an old photo album.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is based in the universe of Ruby Stars, another story I'm writing, but I tried to make it accessible to people who don't read it.

**Memories**

Barb Miller flipped through the photo album, smiling to herself as she browsed the old baby pictures.

All the most important moments were there - Sadie's first steps. Her first birthday. Going to school. More birthday parties, for the most part dominated by her family, but eventually attended by a surly boy called Lars who'd always claimed he was just there for cake.

(He'd _baked_ the cake once, and made Barb promise not to tell Sadie.)

She closed the book and sighed. This changed nothing - her daughter was still gone. Maybe she'd never come back.

Maybe all that remained were memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna do another themed week next week. I'm still deciding what, exactly...


	6. Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl receives a gift.

**Gift**

"Pearl?"

Pearl looked up as Steven walked over to her, a little wrapped package under his arm.

"Oh, hello Steven," she said wearily, "What's that?"

"It's for you!" said Steven brightly,

He handed her the package and motioned for her to open it. She did so carefully, making sure not to break the folds in the paper.

It was a framed photograph of them, taken back when they had gone to Empire City. She was hugging him, and he was giving a thumbs up.

"Happy Mother's Day, Pearl," said Steven.

"I..."

Pearl tore up and pulled Steven into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Pearl needs all the love right now.
> 
> Alright, AU week was suggested a couple of times, and I quite like the idea, so that's what we're doing!


	7. Connie Swap With A Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie comes home to the Crystal Gems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to put some twists on canon!
> 
> ...
> 
>  
> 
> _Have you ever...ever felt like this..._

**Connie Swap With A Twist**

Connie Quartz Maheswaran walked cheerfully into the house.

"I'm home!" she called.

The temple door opened and Bismuth stepped out.

"Welcome back, Connie!" she said, "How was _bismuth?_ "

She grinned and they exchanged finger guns.

"Connie."

A blue figure walked over and hugged her.

"Are you alright?" asked Pearl softly, "Your form hasn't been injured today?"

"She's _fine_ , Pearl."

Lapis Lazuli was sitting at the kitchen counter with a book.

"Hey, Connie," she said, "I've got up to Chapter Five, and I wanna talk about..."

"The _thing?_ " exclaimed Connie, "Oh, I have so many things to say about the _thing..._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _We are the Crystal Gems,_  
>  We'll always save the day,  
> And if you think we can't,  
> We'll always find a way,  
> That's why the people of this world,  
> Believe in...  
> Bismuth  
> Lapis Laz...  
> And Pearl.  
> And Connie!
> 
>  
> 
> Everyone always just swaps the gems with their Homeworld counterparts. I wanted to play with that a bit.


	8. Diamond Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars learns some things about his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty dumb AU idea, but it made me chuckle and that's really all that was needed.

**Diamond Squad**

Lars swallowed, his mouth dry as he paced the Big Donut's break room.

"So...all of your moms were alien dictators?" he exclaimed.

"Yep," said Steven.

"And they just decided to have kids with people in Beach City?"

"Uh-huh," nodded Connie.

"All at the _same time?!_ "

"Oh yeah," said Peedee.

Lars clutched his head.

"Okay, this is kinda hard to deal with," he admitted, "I mean, next you're gonna tell me that there's a _fourth_ diamond, and..."

He trailed off.

Onion was poking his head in the door.

"Okay, nope, I'm done," declared Lars, throwing up his hands, "I'm just _done_..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's probably obvious, but...
> 
> Pink = Steven  
> Blue = Connie  
> Yellow = Peedee  
> White = Onion  
>  _Done_ = Lars


	9. Fugitives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gems are on the run.

**Fugitives**

Pearl ducked behind the wall as the spotlight scanned the street. She waited for it to pass by.

"Nope," she heard one of the soldiers say, "They're not there."

"Fan out," another barked, "They can't have gone far."

She crept into the dark alley, catching up to Garnet.

"Did you get them?" Garnet whispered.

Pearl nodded, holding up a bag.

"Enough food to get Steven and Connie to the next town," she declared.

Garnet gave her a thumbs up, and they slipped away into the darkness, passing a poster on the wall.

_WANTED - PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE: THE 'CRYSTAL GEMS'._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, the idea that human authorites could really threaten the gems is a bit laughable, but they'd be able to hurt Steven and that's the main thing.
> 
> ~~also they arrested Greg~~


	10. Zoo Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a breakout at the zoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Divergence is I Am My Mom.

**Zoo Break**

" _We have escaped humans in Sector Six! Where are my guards?!_ "

Holly Blue's voice rang frantically over the Zoo's PA system as Stevonnie ran down the corridor, Sadie and Jamie following close behind.

They darted round the corner, running headlong into a patrol of Amethysts.

8XJ towered over them, glowering.

"Uh..." Jamie swallowed, "Hello there, esteemed captor! We were..."

"Where do you think _you're_ going..."

Suddenly, 8XJ and the Amethysts behind her grinned.

"...without us?" she finished.

Stevonnie laughed and they exchanged high fives. Sadie and Jamie nervously joined in.

Then, quite dramatically, Jamie collapsed to the floor and fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Famethyst need to be taken to a safe, loving environment ASAP.


	11. The Court

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeworld recieves some disturbing news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on [this fanart.](http://lazykcdoodler.tumblr.com/post/173985742785/the-court-of-pink-diamond)

**The Court**

After the crackdown against the Second Rebellion, the Diamonds thought they were in the clear. The Crystal Gems were gone - everything was in order.

Then troubling news arrived.

Frantic reports reached Homeworld about strange, unmarked ships. They would descend on outposts, defeat the guards, and offer all the gems there a chance to come with them.

Their leaders included three beings that resembled humans, except fluorescent pink. Intelligence Gems stated that they went by the designations 'Lars', 'Connie' and 'Sadie'. They were guarded by an Earth feline and a overcooked Amethyst.

They claimed to represent the Court of Pink Diamond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added Sadie because Sadie is awesome.


	12. The Gig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg gets a phone call.

**The Gig**

"Thank you, Martin, I think I have everything I need."

The businessman watched Marty leave, his cordial smile vanishing as the door closed.

" _Ugh_ ," he muttered, "Well, now that that unpleasantness is out of the way..."

He picked up the phone and dialled a number, patiently waiting as it rang.

"Hello, Greg Universe? I have a _gig_ for that band of yours..."

" _You do? Great, Sadie's gonna be thrilled!_ "

"Yes, I'll arrange transport to Illinois for the band - and your son, if he wants to."

_"That's really thoughtful of you! Hang on, what's your name?"_

"Masters," Vlad grinned, "Vlad Masters."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a crossover than an AU, but ah well.
> 
> As to what Vlad's plan is, uh...I dunno. ~~I never thought I'd get this far.~~


	13. A Human AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems disguise themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a rule, I don't normally do Human AUs. Let's call this an exception...

**A Human AU**

Pearl walked down the boardwalk, wearing a sundress and an oversized sun hat that covered her gem.

"Hello, everybody!" she called out, "A fine day to be human, isn't it?"

"Yes," said Garnet, wearing a trenchcoat over her usual clothes, "Very nice to be me, a normal human person."

"Yep, that's us!" added Amethyst, whose only concession to human fashion was a pair of crocs, "Human dudes! Earth represent!"

Steven and Connie followed behind them.

"They're not very good at this, are they?" said Connie, "I mean, I'm pretty sure everybody knows..."

"As long as it fools Homeworld," shrugged Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homeworld would probably fall for that, to be fair.


	14. The Right Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth is captured. Sort of.

**The Right Moment**

They thought they had Bismuth captured.

It was almost funny. The iron chains they had clapped her in would never stop her, and the rifles they carried couldn't hurt her. She was there because she wanted to be; she wanted to know who wanted her.

The cell door opened, and the soldiers snapped to attention.

"...apprehended on the Eastern Front," a general was declaring smugly, "We believe it will prove an excellent weapon against the Allies, Mein Führer."

_Okay. This is the right time._

Bismuth snapped her chains, morphed her fist into a hammer and swung it into Hitler's face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of do this once every 100 Words collection, don't I?


	15. Player Satisfaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie is disappointed at the upcoming Unfamiliar Familiar game.

**Player Satisfaction**

Connie frowned as she read the description on her tablet.

"I can't believe it," she grumbled, "They finally make an _Unfamiliar Familiar_ video game, and they fill it up with _microtransactions!_ It's a fifty dollar game!"

"Well," said Steven, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, "At least it says they're only cosmetic."

"Oh, good," Connie replied dryly, "I get to spend ten bucks on black clothing dye."

She sighed.

"Maybe the rest of the game is gonna be okay..."

"That's the spirit!" said Steven cheerfully.

"...they're adding a battle royale mode," Connie muttered glumly.

"OK, yeah, it's gonna stink..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P R I D E  
> A N D  
> A C C O M P L I S H M E N T
> 
> (I may be a tad salty about video games these days.)


	16. Dog Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst plays with a gem device. Hilarity ensues.

**Dog Days**

Connie sat on the couch, watching Pearl and Amethyst argue.

"Why were you playing with that thing?" Pearl demanded, "It's a..."

"I didn't think it'd work on _humans!_ " snapped Amethyst, "Besides, it's gonna wear off..."

Connie glanced over to Steven, who was scratching behind his ear.

"You okay?" he asked.

Connie nodded.

"Just wondering how to explain this to mom," she replied.

Neither gem responded to them - at the moment, neither could understand what they were saying.

Amethyst walked over and sat between them, scratching their bellies.

"It'll be fine in two hours. 'Till then, we got ourselves some puppies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll let you guys decide what breeds they are.


	17. Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven is anxious one night.

**Yourself**

"What if they want me to replace Pink Diamond?"

Steven's voice was shaky and fearful, and Greg felt a pang in his heart as he heard it in the dark van.

"You don't have to," he replied, "You can always say no."

"But... but mom hurt everyone so much," Steven said, "I... I feel like I... I have to make things right..."

Greg sat up and pulled his son into a hug.

"Steven, you don't have to do anything," he said, "Just be yourself, buddy."

"But that doesn't fix mom's..."

"That's okay," said Greg, "They're not your problems to fix."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hug this child.


	18. Chess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie plays chess with Pearl.

**Chess**

"Check."

Connie moved her bishop up. Pearl scratched her chin, thinking carefully.

Then she grinned and pushed three of her pawns up on the left hand side of the board.

"Uh, Pearl?" asked Connie, "What're you doing?"

"I'm flanking past your knight to get to your king," replied Pearl, "It's a standard military tactic."

"But the pawns can't do that," said Connie, "You can only move one pawn one space!"

Pearl pursed her lips.

"What if they're rebel pawns?"

"What?"

"Rebel pawns!" exclaimed Pearl, "Breaking their societal chains and living their own lives, free..."

"Agh! Whatever, let's just play Scrabble!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually Connie's most successful attempt to play chess with a gem.


	19. Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapphire is alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - promo spoilers.

**Breaking Down**

Sapphire was alone.

She felt a lot of things at the moment. She felt betrayed - used, even. Her heart had been broken. She was completely beside herself with rage. Rose - no, Pink Diamond had lied to her for thousands of years. She'd forced Pearl not to speak about her true identity. Everything she'd ever fought for was a lie.

No, not a lie, a _joke_.

And yet, she felt shame for leaving. Steven needed Garnet - Ruby needed _her_.

She knew there was no possible future where she wouldn't go back to them. But for now, she couldn't face going back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It then turns out she's living in Dewey's basement or somewhere silly like that.


	20. The Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An elderly man takes issue with the Crystal Gems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for a homophobic character in this one.

**The Notice**

The Old Man, having handed Pearl his notice, grimaced.

"So," said Pearl, "You're concerned about us being... _immoral?_ "

"Yeah," grunted the man, "There are _children_ in this town. _Tone it down._ "

He departed huffily.

Pearl scratched her chin, thinking.

_Minutes later..._

Pearl strode down the boardwalk, one arm around Lapis and the other around Bismuth. Behind them, Amethyst and Peridot were holding hands; the former spoke loudly about rather lewd things. In the rear was Garnet; she gave a thumbs up as she passed the Old Man.

"Isn't this beautiful?" Nanefua politely asked him.

The man's scowl was pointedly ignored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another themed week starts tomorrow! For this one, I'm thinking I'll go for Off-Colors.


	21. Sleeping Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars introduces Rhodonite to sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much plot in this one - I just wanted to write something fluffy.

**Sleeping Over**

Rhodonite sat on the inflatable mattress, carefully pressing one of her hands on it.

"So you just lie down and close your eyes?" she asked.

"When you're ready to sleep, yeah," nodded Lars, putting a tape into the VCR, "But not just yet - we've still got a movie to watch."

It took some time for Rhodonite to settle down. It helped that Lars hadn't picked one of those 'horror' movies - eventually she had bundled up under the blanket.

She looked up. Lars and Sadie were on the bed, sleeping soundly in each other's embrace.

She smiled and closed her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let Rhodonite be comfortable 2k18.


	22. Padparadscha the Historian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padparadscha visits a museum.

**Padparadscha the Historian**

Lars and his parents had taken the Off Colors to Empire City for the weekend.

After a somewhat awkward bus ride, the family had split up to explore the city. Dante had taken Padparadscha to the Empire City History Museum.

Padparadscha walked up to a portrait of the founder of the city, studying it for some time.

"It's a pretty nice painting," said Dante, "Isn't-"

"I predict that that will _not_ be a real portrait of the founder of Empire City," declared Padparadscha, "It will be someone else entirely, and the museum will misidentify it! Amazing!"

Dante shrugged and nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't actually that farfetched. For example, [that one famous portrait of Columbus?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Portrait_of_a_Man,_Said_to_be_Christopher_Columbus.jpg) He almost certainly looked nothing like that. It was painted long after his death, and historians just sort of... _assumed_ that was him for a long time.


	23. Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars gets into character.

**Solo**

"Captain!" exclaimed Rhodonite, "We can't possibly get past this Homeworld blockade!"

"Twins!" demanded Lars, "What are our odds?"

"34,502,201 to one!" Left-Rutile shouted.

"Never tell me the odds!" replied Lars.

"But... but you _asked_ for the odds," said Right-Rutile.

"It's a reference," Lars smirked, sitting back in his chair, "Okay, guys, fly casual."

"How... how the stars do you _fly casual?!_ " spluttered Rhodonite.

"Coming up on the blockade now," said Left-Rutile.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," muttered Right-Rutile.

"Now you're getting into it!" Lars grinned.

Rhodonite groaned.

"We're all gonna _die_ ," she said mournfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets be honest, if I had a starship I'd be doing the same thing.


	24. Aunt Fluorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now some romantic advice from Fluorite.

**Aunt Fluorite**

"Hey, Fluorite, can I ask you for some advice?"

"Of... course... Captain Lars..."

"Cool, thanks. Uh, I was thinking of taking Sadie to a movie, but it's _Revenge of the Skullcrushers_ , and... I guess I'm not sure if it's supposed to be romantic?"

"Does... Sadie... _like_... Skullcrushers?"

"...she likes movies _about_ Skullcrushers."

"Well... if it's... what... she... likes, then... it... should... be... a... perfect... date... movie..."

"Thanks, Fluorite."

"Just... take... my... advice... Lars. The... most... romantic... thing... you... can... offer... her... is... to... fuse... with... you... for... all... eternity!"

"...uh... I think that might be a bit _much_. Also impossible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's been in (and indeed, _been_ ) a successful polygamous relationship for eons, she's probably got some good advice.


	25. Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One set of twins meets another.

**Twins**

The Rutile Twins sat across from Jenny and Kiki.

"So you're like us?" asked Left Rutile, "Twins?"

"Yeah," nodded Kiki, "I'm about two minutes older, though."

"And your family didn't run off?" Right Rutile said incredulously, "Or try to have you shattered? Or... what do humans call it... _killed_?

The Pizza twins shared glances.

"No," replied Jenny, "Is that what they did to you?"

The Rutiles nodded solemnly.

"It's what they do to defects like us on Homeworld," muttered Left Rutile.

"Well, you're not there anymore," declared Jenny, "Now come on! We're taking you guys on a Twin's Day Out!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smash cut to the police station.


	26. The Real Lars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars has changed.

**The Real Lars**

Sadie and Jenny sat on the beach outside the _Sun Incinerator._

"Lars has changed a lot, hasn't he?" said Jenny.

"No, I don't think so," she replied.

"But he's confident now!" said Jenny, "He doesn't feel like he has to cover himself up in some kind of 'fake cool' persona or anything!"

"Yeah, but that's the thing," explained Sadie, "That was a cover. I think this Lars is just the Lars that's always been there, deep down. He's just been too scared to let it show."

She shrugged.

"He's not _different_ ," she said, "He's just gotten out of his shell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dying does that to you. Once that's happened, what else is there left to be afraid of?


	27. Made of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodonite learns to love herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND IT'S STRONGER THAN YOU

**Made of Love**

Rhodonite often wondered if there was something seriously wrong with her. She'd been called a disgrace by Morganite and hunted by killer robonoids after all. They wouldn't do that if she wasn't horrible, right?

Then she made it to Earth.

Now they'd made a little weekly forum. It had started as her, Fluorite, Garnet and Topaz. Eventually Stevonnie had started to attend, then Spessartite (Padparadscha and Leggy) and Moonstone (Lapis and Pearl).

Now she knew the truth. Homeworld had been wrong.

There was nothing wrong with her. She was wonderful, and if Homeworld couldn't see that, it was their loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dada da da daaaaaa  
> dada da da duuuuh


	28. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie isn't going to lose Steven again.

**Together**

Steven fidgeted with his hands, looking up at the sky.

"If the Diamonds find out mom was Pink Diamond," he said, "They might come and take me back."

"Then we'll stop them," Connie replied.

"But what if we can't?" asked Steven, "What if they threaten to destroy Earth? What if... what if I _have_ to go?"

Connie put a hand on his shoulder.

"Then I go with you," she said, "Whatever happens, we do this together."

"But..."

"I _won't_ leave you, Steven," Connie declared.

She took his hands.

"We're _Jam Buds._ Not even the Diamonds are gonna split us apart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only Steven Universe could make me feel deep emotion at the phrase 'Jam Buds.'


	29. Poker Night at Barb's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg gets some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by a scene from Faded Blue. If you haven't read it, give it a look!

**Poker Night at Barb's**

"So Rose turned out to be an alien dictator?"

"Yeah, that's about it."

Fryman winced as he took a sip of his drink.

"How's everyone holding up?" asked Vidalia.

"Not well," Greg sighed, "Steven isn't coping, Garnet split up..."

"I wanna help him get through this," said Greg, "I wanna help them all! Just... I have no idea where to start!"

"Well," shrugged Vidalia, "It's good enough for you just to be there, you know?"

"And if you need help, just give us a call," added Barb.

Greg nodded.

"Just wish I could do more..."

"You're doing _enough_ ," assured Barb.


	30. The Big Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pearls put on a show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a pun!

**The Big Show**

Steven, Amethyst and Greg looked up at the giant Pearl fusion that towered over the middle of Central Park, currently in the middle of a lively rendition of 'Anything Goes.'

"Well," said Greg, scratching his head, "This is _interesting_."

"It's like Broadway, but you can actually afford to see it!" exclaimed Steven.

"One thing I don't get," said Amethyst, "Even fused, how did the Pearls manage to get _that_ big?"

They glanced at a boy in a pine tree hat, who quickly hid a flashlight with two crystals attached.

"I've got _no idea_ ," he said, "I-I better go find Mabel..."


	31. Ronaldo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars Barriga hated Ronaldo.

**Ronaldo**

Lars Barriga hated Ronaldo.

He _despised_ him - despised his weird conspiracy theories, his often strange way of speaking and his stupid, stupid blog. He hated that Sadie liked him and the Cool Kids tolerated him. He hated his stupid _face!_

Lars Barriga hated Ronaldo.

Sitting on his captain's chair, he gazed at the photograph of the two boys, arm in arm, grinning at the camera. His vision blurred, and a drop of water fell on the photo. _No, darn it, not_ now! _Not_ here!

Lars Barriga hated Ronaldo.

Try as he might, Lars just couldn't make that statement come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lars Barriga also hated Larry King, but that wasn't quite so personal a hatred.


	32. Total Pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl finds a new game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, I overslept.

**Total Pearl**

Pearl surveyed her army as it marched on the enemy, sweeping away everything in its path. She grinned in satisfaction as the cannon blasted away the enemy general's bodyguard, leaving him open for attack by her cavalry.

"Yes," she snarled, "You're _mine_ , Napoleon."

From a distance, Bismuth and Connie watched Pearl click furiously on the laptop.

"I'm starting to think it was a bad idea to show her this game," said Connie.

"Hey, she's having fun, ain't she?" shrugged Bismuth.

"Ha! Yes, run you cowards!" screamed Pearl, "This battlefield is _mine!_ "

Bismuth chuckled.

"That's my Pearl," she said, nodding cheerfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Napoleon is the best Total War game and I will defend it to the death. Or at least until I get bored, whichever comes first.


	33. Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg had parents, once.

**Parents**

Greg's parents had never approved of his decisions.

To be frank, they'd never approved of much of anything. They were very set in their ways; they'd refused to attend Aunt Deb's wedding, and as result she'd vowed never to speak to them again.

Still, they were his parents, and Greg tried to keep in touch. But every phone call became a chore; 'You're wasting your life!" " _Coloured hair?_ This woman doesn't sound like the right sort..." "Get a real job, you bum!"

Today, he looked from his sleeping newborn baby to Vidalia's phone.

No, he decided. They weren't worth telling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family, ultimately, is your choice.


	34. We'll Laugh About It Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl comes home to chaos.

**We'll Laugh About It Later**

Pearl warped into the Temple. Her jaw dropped.

The Beach House was an absolute mess. Jasper was passed out on the coffee table, Onion poking her with a stick. A steam locomotive had smashed through the front door, and Amethyst, Lapis and Peridot were playing poker on the buffer beam. Sour Cream and Greg wept over a pile of destroyed records. Garnet sat stoically in a cardboard jail nearby, while Lars and Sadie tried to put out the pillar of fire that was the fridge.

Stevonnie put down their mop and grinned nervously.

"There's a perfectly logical explanation," they said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She can't leave them for five minutes.
> 
> Next week is World Week! That's right, we're going around the world!


	35. London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl and Connie go to London.

**London**

"Lion and Cub have landed, over."

Connie clutched her harness as the helicopter touched down outside Westminster Palace. The door flew open and Pearl stepped confidently out - Connie quickly unbuckled herself, grabbed her sword and followed.

Whitehall was cordoned off and soldiers were running to and fro. Pearl paid them no heed, striding towards an open command tent.

"They don't call me very often," she said, "Something interesting must have happened."

She stepped up to an officer and drew a big, ornate sword from her gem. The officer saluted.

"At your service, Your Majesty," he said.

"Wait, _what?!_ " exclaimed Connie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on that one episode of the podcast that implies Pearl pulled the Sword from the Stone.
> 
> She's the Once and Future Queen, y'know.


	36. The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tower sits in the desert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're off to the Middle East.

**The Tower**

The Tower had baffled human historians for centuries.

It sat in a state of disrepair about thirty miles out of Baghdad, and had become the subject of hundreds of poems and stories. It was taller than the tallest spire, and nobody could find an entrance. Fantastic myths were told about what might be inside.

In fact, Rose knew exactly what it was. But whenever anyone asked, even Amethyst, she wouldn't answer. This confused Pearl to no end.

"Why don't we just tell them it's a..." she'd say.

Rose would simply smile.

"I wouldn't want to ruin their stories," she'd reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably, like, the Gem equivalent of a grain silo or something anyway.


	37. Clodcoin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot gets into internet currency.

**Clodcoin**

Peridot had done a lot of strange things since coming to Earth. This had to be one of the strangest.

"So... you got _this_ with hitcoin?"

Amethyst was standing in a Singaporean penthouse, gazing out at the sprawling city outside.

Peridot grinned.

"Yes," she replied, "It took a little hacking, but I was able to acquire some of Earth's primitive currency."

"How much?"

"Only twenty billion dollars worth. I thought it'd be enough for some tablet apps..."

"You _stole twenty billion dollars?!_ Peridot, that's... totally _awesome!_ "

She put an arm around Peridot.

"C'mon, Peri. We're turning this city upside down..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst would be down with this, wouldn't she?


	38. Northern Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie sees a natural light show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to bed early tonight, as I've got an exam tomorrow. As a result, I may not get time to reply to yesterday's comments until tomorrow. Sorry in advance.

**The Northern Lights**

Stevonnie lay on their back and looked up at the night sky.

It was a beautiful night in Yukon, and they were wrapped up in a warm sleeping bag. The snowy hilltop was peaceful, and they felt glad that Pearl had brought them here to train.

Above them, a brilliant kaleidoscope of colour swirled above them, shimmering and swirling in the inky dark blue sky. It resembled a cosmic light show of greens, blues and purples, pockmarked by the blinking white dots that marked the stars.

Stevonnie smiled contentedly, and drifted off to sleep beneath the glow of Aurora Borealis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aurora Borealis. At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localised entirely in my fanfic.


	39. Heart of Dorkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gems sail on a river.

**Heart of Dorkness**

The boat sailed down the Amazon River, bound for an ancient gem temple.

"...and we couldn't have just warped there _becaaaause?_ " asked Amethyst.

"The warp pad there's been broken for centuries," replied Pearl, leaning on the rail, "Besides, isn't this relaxing? What could possibly go-"

_TWO HOURS LATER._

Pearl had declared herself Queen of the Amazon.

She sat in her log throne atop the beached riverboat, screaming decrees to her subjects (Amethyst, Peridot, Steven and Connie.) Garnet watched from afar in dismay, coated in red jam.

"The horror..." she whispered to herself, "The horror..."

Pearl gazed at her, grinning hollowly.


	40. The Summit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst and her friends climb a mountain.

**The Summit**

The expedition was finally complete.

Amethyst stood atop Mount Kilimanjaro, Peridot and Lapis by her side. They stared out at the epic canvas of nature before them - the savannah stretched endlessly, pockmarked with spread-out trees, rivers, lakes and herds of animals. All was stained blue by distance and altitude. It was like being on top of the world.

"Well," said Amethyst, "It's finally time to do this."

Peridot nodded solemnly, taking out her tablet. She pressed play, and the familiar song began to play. The Gems grinned at each other and began to dance.

_"I hear the drums echoing tonight..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ITS GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAAAAAAAAAY FROM YOU_


	41. Indian Pacific

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven rides a train.

**Indian Pacific**

The train rolled across the endless Nullarbor Plain.

Steven sat by the window in the sleeping compartment, the light out. He was looking up at the night sky as the train rolled ever westward, watching the blinking light of a satellite drift by.

"Steven?"

Pearl had crept quietly up and was now standing by Steven's bed.

"May I sit with you?"

Steven nodded and Pearl sat down. For a long time, they looked out the window in thoughtful silence.

"I'm glad I stayed here," said Pearl at last.

"Hmm?" quizzed Steven.

"On Earth," replied Pearl, smiling, "It's just so beautiful..."


	42. Woof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg has an idea...

**Woof**

"Hey, Greg!"

"Oh, hey Vidalia. What's new?"

"Not much. How's the kid? Still down about that whole 'mom having a double life' thing?"

"Yeah, a bit. I mean, I did try something to pick up his mood..."

"You didn't play show tunes for the poor kid?"

"Heh... nah, I figured he needed something to cheer him up. Me and Pearl went up to Wilmingmore to the pet shop there; brought him back a retro pug!"

"And..."

"He's still sad, but he's sad with a pug. That's gotta be an improvement, right?"

"Anything you can get, Greg, anything you can get..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Retro pugs are freaking great though.


	43. Future Greg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg gets some visitors.

**Future Greg**

"Greg!" exclaimed the first man, "I'm you from the future! If you go to the farmer's market today, it'll kickstart the apocalypse!"

"I'm you from another future!" said the second, who was missing an arm, "Don't go to Vidalia's yard sale!"

"I'm you from another future!" shouted the third, who had an eyepatch, "Whatever you do, don't get lunch at Denny's!"

Greg nodded slowly.

"Okay," he said, "What if I just stay at home?"

With a flash, a fourth future Greg appeared, brandishing a big gun.

"Greg! Don't stay at home, you're gonna..."

"Yeah, I think I get the idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you're just darned if you do and darned if you don't.


	44. Romance With Ruby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby's moving on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe ruby and sapphire are getting divorced

**Romance With Ruby**

" _Heeeey_ good looking!"

Peridot looked up from her magazine, finding Ruby making finger guns at her.

"Uh... hello, Ruby?"

"How about we go catch a movie, huh?" asked Ruby, smiling seductively, "Just you and me, _alone._ "

Peridot blinked.

"Uh... are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm perfectly fine!" replied Ruby, winking, "I just wanna share this _literally_ hot bod!"

There was a very long silence.

"You're trying to make Sapphire jealous, aren't you Ruby?" said Peridot.

Ruby visibly deflated, her shoulders drooping as she looked at her feet.

"Yeah," sighed Ruby.

"That's not the most optimally healthy route, Ruby."

"I know..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's coping.
> 
> ...
> 
> ~~she's not coping~~


	45. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A general receives a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Napoleonic Wars AU. Why the heck not?

**A Letter To The Duke**

Lord Wellington,

As requested Monday last, I embarked with a Light Company to investigate rumours of a partisan band causing much mischief to our mutual friend Masséna north of our Works.

A short way into our patrol, we encountered a small force of irregulars commanded by one identified as Garnett, who was accompanied by Pearl and Amethyste. These women gave us no explanation but requested we depart immediately for fear of threatening 'Steven.'

I would recommend a deputation with this group immediately. They may prove useful in vanquishing Boney's forces from the Peninsula.

I remain your humble servant,

Major Hogan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has got to be the least likely crossover in history.


	46. The Final Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sardonyx faces the music.

**The Final Show**

Sardonyx watched the escape shuttle blast off into the atmosphere, leaving the ruins of the Temple behind. She smiled; her friends were safe.

A whole battalion of quartzes and agates had her surrounded. Homeworld ships controlled the air, the biggest of which was landing Yellow Diamond on the beach. There was no chance of escape, and no chance that they'd take her alive.

It didn't matter. She'd done her job. The Crystal Gems were going to live on, somewhere far away. She was content _._

And now, she was going to give her last audience one hell of a final show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [And then this plays as she fights Homeworld's troops.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E2hYDIFDIU)


	47. Hip Dewey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ex-Mayor Dewey is stuck in traffic with Buck.

**Hip Dewey**

The traffic was completely stalled. Bill Dewey gently tapped the steering wheel as they crawled agonisingly slowly towards the Jersey Turnpike.

"So," he said, "How are things with you?"

Buck shrugged.

"They're cool," he said.

"Good, good!" nodded Dewey, "Um... so, the band's going well?"

"Yep."

"Great! Good to see you getting into that rock n' roll spirit, Bucky boy!" said Dewey brightly, "Gotta get into those new musical genres, huh? Eurobeat, ska, trance, vore..."

"That isn't a musical style, dad," corrected Buck.

"Really?" Dewey quizzed, "Then what is it?"

Buck searched the term and handed him his phone.

"... _oh_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you, like Mayor Dewey, don't know what I'm talking about, do yourself a favour and don't look it up.


	48. Cooldown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie learns the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a request from connversefangirl on tumblr. Hope you enjoy!

**Cooldown**

Steven finished his story, his eyes wet. Connie sat still for a moment, processing what her friend had said. _Rose was Pink Diamond?_ She'd never have expected that...

A loud, choked sob filled the room. Without thinking, Connie pulled Steven into a hug.

"It's okay," she whispered, patting his back, "It's okay..."

"It's not okay!" replied Steven, "Garnet's gone, everyone's upset, nothing's ever gonna be the same again..."

Connie nodded.

"But it's gonna get better," she said, "Sapphire will come back, everyone will forgive each other, I promise!"

She patted his back soothingly.

"And until then," she promised, "I'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, next week's the last week of III (how time flies), and I reckon that'd be a good week to do Bismuth Week!
> 
> As for what happens next, I am going to have to ask for at least a week after the bomb to recharge. Ending this and then immediately starting IV a week later is probably a bit of a stretch, so I'm gonna have to ask you all to bare with me.


	49. Weekend Project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth does some hobby building.

**Weekend Project**

"...was bored this weekend, so I found some blueprints online and, well, built this!"

Pearl gazed in shock at the enormous steam engine on the sand in front of her. It was grey and enormous in size, with a bizarre boiler that resembled a deformed, upturned bathtub. The front end was streamlined, and the number '10000' was painted on the side.

"It's..." Pearl desperately tried to find a word that wasn't 'ugly.'

"I know, it's hideous, but look!" Bismuth grinned. "It's got a water tube boiler! Man, this was awesome to build..."

"Have you considered _plastic kits?_ " Pearl asked carefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Real engine. Didn't really work, though.](https://d240vprofozpi.cloudfront.net/locos/W/w1_service.jpg)


	50. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl and Bismuth remember the old days.

**Reminiscence**

Peridot was sitting at the kitchen bench, tapping on her tablet.

She winced as she heard giggling from the couch.

"Remember when we cornered that Red Agate?" asked Pearl.

Pearl and Bismuth were huddled close together, reminiscing. Peridot grimaced, trying to ignore them.

"Oh, the one that all like; 'oh, a simple _Pearl_ doesn't have the _tactical capacity_ to fight?'" Bismuth laughed. "The look on her face - well, before you stuck your spear in it."

"That was _so_ satisfying," chuckled Pearl.

"I know what _else_ would be satisfying," said Bismuth suggestively.

"Oh my stars, _WILL YOU CLODS GET A ROOM?!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair to them, Peri, it's a nice couch.


	51. Building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When working for Homeworld. Bismuth gets a questionable design order.

**Building**

So some big thinker wants a tower to _ruminate_ in, and in her infinite wisdom, she's decided to design it herself.

The design's horrible, of course. It's top heavy, has too much weight to the left, and she wants to build it on a bog. It's _going_ to collapse, and you know it. But when you tell her, she turns up her nose and asks 'what does a _dirty_ _Bismuth_ know about design?"

So you smile and nod and get on with it.

You smile when it's finished.

And you _definitely_ smile when it collapses before the arrogant elite's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, following instructions to the letter can be a form of rebellion.


	52. Tear the Mountain Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth returns to the Forge.

**Tear the Mountain Down**

The giant statue was still standing in the Forge.

Bismuth stared up at it, wondering, trying and failing to comprehend what had driven her to make it. She had once been devoted to Rose Quartz - she would have crossed mountains and seas at her very word. They all would have - she was their _icon_ , their _world_. How did she not see through her? How was she so _blind?_

How could Rose justify doing that to her? To Pearl? To all of them?

She morphed her hand into a chisel, and slowly and deliberately, she began to tear the statue down.


	53. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth apologises to Lapis.

**Apologies**

Lapis looks at the cake on the coffee table in confusion. It was burnt in many places and covered in thick, misshaped blue icing. Steven and Bismuth stood across from her, awkward grins on their faces.

"Uh... thanks?" she said.

"I left a note on the top," added Bismuth, "Just... just to, uh, sweeten the deal."

"You know, 'cause it's a cake!" added Steven.

Lapis leaned over and read the message scrawled on the top.

"Sorry for poofing you. How about we get down to... _Bismuth_ and be friends?"

She blinked, titling her head.

"Wait, that was you?" she asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the thought that counts.


	54. Armour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth crafts some armour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late, I fell asleep.

**Armour**

"You made my daughter a suit of armour?"

"Yeah, it's great, isn't it?"

Bismuth and Priyanka looked on as Connie inspected her new set of armour in the mirror. It was light, and made from a shiny pink metal alloy. It covered her vital organs but was flexible and easy to move around in. Finally, it had a helmet - didn't make much sense to go into battle without one, really.

"I don't know how I feel about this," admitted Priyanka, "The idea of Connie fighting..."

"If it helps," Bismuth shrugged, "I made you a set too."

"...may I see it?"


	55. Watching the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bismuth and Pearl relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who fell asleep again? This guy!

**Watching the World**

Bismuth and Pearl sat under a tree, watching the world go by around them. Steven, Connie and Amethyst played around nearby, while Garnet lay peacefully on the grass.

"This is nice," said Pearl, "We should do this more often."

She sat back.

"Just..." she continued, "Spending an afternoon doing nothing."

"I wouldn't say I'm doing _nothing_ ," replied Bismuth, "I'm doing a lot of staring at you."

Bismuth put an arm around Pearl. The smaller gem blushed, laughing.

"Well, that makes two of us," she chuckled, "What can I say? I like the view."

Bismuth laughed, pulling her into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is the last day of Bismuth Week, but by my time zone, I still have a say until we get the first new episode, so... tune in tomorrow for the last story!


	56. Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven goes to bed.

**Tomorrow**

Steven lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. It had been a hard, hard day - Sapphire was gone, Ruby was heartbroken, Pearl was blaming herself, and he felt lost.

He sighed and reached for his phone, tapping out a message.

_What do I do now?_

He lay back down again, watching the shadows on the roof and listening to the crashing waves outside.

Quietly, his phone beeped. Steven picked it up.

_You can vent to me, if you want. :)_

Steven smiled, ever so slightly.

It felt like one of the darkest nights of his life, but tomorrow was another day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's messaging Connie, if that's not clear.
> 
> Well, that's all she wrote. I guess I'll see you next time, and until then, enjoy the next few episodes. :D


End file.
